This is a tale of danger, despair, courage and bravery…..who better to tell it but me? D
So there I was (because that’s how all great stories start….right?) all alone at Casa De Apex, ok I wasn’t alone, the dogs were here, but they don’t talk like Scooby Doo, so they’re not very helpful in frightening situations. I’m sitting at my desk, minding my own business and working when Mother Nature calls, being the obedient servant of her will, I exited stage left into the darkest corner of the shop. After washing my hands, I turned to leave the room, grasped the door knob with my hand and that’s when it happened…..absolutely nothing. It was like the shot heard round the world, the dreaded and most ghastly click during the gun fight……the knob just turned and the catch did not retract. So I did what any good shooter would do, Tap-Rack….but when I tried again and nothing happened.
So I’m standing there in this little room that measures 50″x58″, is occupied by the porcelean lounge and a sink, so there’s not much space in there. Add a man that stands 6′3″ weighs 300lbs and measures 51″ around the chest and the room gets smaller and smaller by every second that passes. Feeling the walls closing in, I tried and tried again, but there was no movement. I checked my pockets for anything that would help and whipped out my trusty credit card, trying to jimmy the lock open didn’t work and sure didn’t do the card any good. Once the card failed, I began looking around for something else that I could get into the lock to get it open. All I found was TP, band aids and Hydrogen Peroxide….Lot of good that’s gonna do.
Realizing I would have to resort to more extreme measures, so I plucked out the hinge pins and attempted to remove the door from the other side, but the hinges were set too close and I wasn’t able to get the door out without destroying it. I reinstalled the hinge pins and decided to engage my brain. After pondering on the “thinking chair” for a few minutes I grabbed my trusty Kershaw from my pocket and cautiously went to work trying to retract the catch. After about 5 minutes of struggling, the door broke free and the fresh, cool air of the shop hit me in the face….The smell of Hoppes has never been so awesome.
The door is ok, the handle and lock mechanism are scrap, but I’m unscathed. The only injury of this terrible ordeal was my Kershaw. The liner lock got bent in the struggle, but it’s still operational and I believe it will make a full recovery.
Thank you to all of you who are concerned for my health and welfare, I’m fine. D
Tags: Stuck in a bathroom